Grief Is a Gift

Let Me Explain and Provide Three Things I’ve Learned About Grief.

Photo by Mike Labrum on Unsplash

The time spent with your person is memories created.

Those memories shared are treasures.

The love for that person is what makes grief difficult.

And that love is a gift.

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Grief became known to me at the early age of 23 – when my biological mother passed away. It was Friday, March 11^th, 2016. So, this pasted Saturday was her 7^th death anniversary, and to this day, the void, pain, and the belief that she is no longer on Earth is still the same.

I vividly remember being told she had passed, but my brain didn’t process the information right away. Once I realized this time she was gone (she had been suicidal years before and had attempted suicide multiple times), I yelled like I had never yelled before. I collapsed into my stepmom’s arms and cried and cried and cried and cried some more.

A piece of me was instantly broken inside – like she took a part of me with her departure. And I’ve never been the same since.

I’ve written multiple blog posts, social media posts, and guest articles on grief because I know grief. It sucks! It’s not fun, and I don’t like it. I’ve written about it to help others know that I know what they are feeling, to know that they are not alone and that God is with them.

One day I was reading a blog post that mentioned that grief is a gift, and up until that point, I had never thought about grief in that way. Grief was always negative and definitely not a gift. But the blogger explained that you are grieving this person because you loved them, you had memories with them, and they were special to you. And those words changed my perspective of grief.

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Here are three things I’ve learned about grief.

Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds

We’ve heard it repeatedly – “time heals all wounds.” But it actually doesn’t – not with grief, at least. I feel the same void and pain today as I did when I first heard the news of my mother’s passing. However, I have learned to cope with the pain and live with it. I’ve learned that as time goes it doesn’t get easier to accept that she’s gone, but you get used to the fact that she’s no longer here.

My grandfather passed in August of 2020, and sometimes I still get the urge to ask my father how my grandpa is doing. Sometimes I look at pictures and can’t believe he won’t be around when we gather for the holidays or when I visit my father’s house. There’s a void and emptiness that doesn’t go away – but you get used to it. So no, time doesn’t heal all wounds.

Grief Comes in Waves

It wasn’t until it happened to me that I understood this one. Especially when it’s a few months after their departure, you think you are good, and then suddenly you think of them and start crying. I tell people to be patient with themselves because dealing with grief is difficult.

Talk about your loved ones, share memories, share pictures, and share videos; this is how you’ll keep their memory alive. This is the gift that grief is – you miss them so much because of your love for them. Share that love!

Love Hard & Create Memories

With those special people that are still alive – love them hard. Create memories with them. Take pictures and record videos because once they pass, that is what you’ll have left, memories, photos, and videos. Spend quality time with them – life is too short, and time doesn’t slow down.

Let those that you love, know that you love them! Tell them often!

Most importantly, be kind! Because we never know if someone is grieving or going through a difficult time.

With Love, Heidy

If you are grieving or know someone who is – share this with them to encourage them.