If Our Friendship Ends....

Photo by Matheus G.O on Unsplash

A few months ago, my best friend and I found ourselves in a deep conversation:
“What do you think would happen if our friendship ended?”

Surprisingly — or maybe not — we both said the same thing:
We’d internalize it. We both said something along the lines that we thought we had done something to cause the friendship to end.

We’d wonder what we did wrong, overanalyze every interaction, and maybe even blame ourselves for things that weren’t our fault. That moment stuck with me. Because it’s such a human response — to internalize things, even when they have nothing to do with us.

It reminded me of something I read in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The fourth agreement is simple but powerful:
“Don’t take anything personally.”

And yet it’s a natural human response. Constantly. Someone is short with you, and we assume we upset them. Someone doesn’t text back, and we wonder what we did wrong. We internalize comments, actions, and silences — and turn them into personal stories.

“What did I do wrong?” “Did I say something to upset them?”

But what if we could stop doing that? What if we could break the habit of turning everything inward?

Here are 5 practical tips to help you do just that:

1. Pause Before You Personalize

When something triggers you, stop and ask yourself:

“Is this really about me, or could this be about them?”

Maybe your friend didn’t respond because they’re overwhelmed. Maybe your coworker’s attitude has more to do with their own stress than anything you did. Creating that pause helps you avoid jumping to self-blame.

2. Practice Cognitive Reframing

Reframing means consciously shifting how you interpret a situation. Instead of:

“They didn’t invite me — they must not like me,”
Try:
“Maybe it was an oversight, or they thought I was busy.”

Reframing gives you the power to create more balanced stories — not ones rooted in self-doubt.

3. Strengthen Your Inner Voice

Your internal dialogue matters. If your first instinct is to blame yourself, start rewriting that script. Try saying:

“I’m allowed to make mistakes. I don’t need to carry everyone else’s emotions.”

The more compassionate your self-talk becomes, the less likely you are to internalize what isn’t yours.

This is one I’m working on because my therapist has made me realize that when I am talking about myself, I come from a place of judgment, rather than grace and compassion.

4. Separate Feelings from Facts

Just because you feel responsible doesn’t mean you are.
Ask yourself:

• What happened?

• What do I know for sure?

• What am I assuming?

This mental check-in can help you recognize when you're creating a narrative without solid evidence to support it.

5. Remember: People's Actions Reflect Them, Not You

Most of the time, people’s behavior is a mirror of what’s going on inside them — not a judgment of your worth.
Like Don Miguel Ruiz wrote:

“Nothing others do is because of you.”

Let that be a reminder the next time you start spiraling over someone else’s words or actions.

Reading The Four Agreements was a game-changer for me because that 4th agreement was the one that stuck with me. I honestly, try not to take things personally after reading it. I highly recommend the book; I’ve read it multiple times to keep reminding myself of the agreements.

With Love, Heidy

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