Michelle Obama starts chapter five of her book about her friends, who she calls her kitchen table, by saying, “I am not someone who takes friendship lightly. I can be serious about making friends and even more serious about keeping them.” And I cannot relate more. I value friendships tremendously and know how important community is for our well-being, so I always strive to be a good friend and have good friends around me.
I’m the type that is selective with her friends, which is kind of how Michelle had to be, especially when she was in the White House. I can be friendly with everyone, but I won’t open up to just anyone. Those who I consider close friends – we fill each other up. I don’t have to talk to them every day, but I know that nothing changes when I get together or speak with them. The love is the same.
For my 30th birthday celebration, I realized I had my closest friends there whom I had met during different periods of my life, very similar to Michelle’s kitchen table friends, and they could come together (even though they didn’t know each other) to celebrate me. I had my best friend from high school there, friends I met in my early twenties from work, a dear friend from church, and friends I grew up with that became family.
One of my friends texted me recently and told me I’m the glue friend, the one who keeps everyone together. And that meant so much to me; it touched my heart because my friends mean the world to me. I am the friend who reaches out randomly to make sure that you’re doing okay; I am the friend who remembers big moments and will text you to see how it went or provide encouragement beforehand. I am the friend cheering for you, even if it’s from afar, and praying for you. I am a low-maintenance friend you don’t need to talk to every day, but whenever you need anything, I’m there if I can help.
As I stated above, I value friendships so much that I struggle with letting friends go once our time has run its course. I would try to keep in touch and force the friendship to continue, but at the end of the day, it would only hurt me more. Don’t ever chase anyone. Friendships sometimes are only for a season, and that’s okay.
In that same chapter, Michelle talks about how not one person can offer you everything you need, safety or support every day. So, it’s important always to make room at your table and stay open to making new friends. At one point, I remember, it had become a trend on social media to say, ‘No new friends.’ I’m not sure if it was a song that said it, but I found that to be so toxic. What do you mean you don’t want new friends? There is power in community, I understand, however, that not everyone has honest intentions, but you can tell who those people are and quietly remove them. But I agree with Michelle; we must stay open to making new friends; you never know who God brought into your life and for what blessing.
I am very blessed to have met the people I had when I did. I love my closest friends, and I care for them always. Even those who are no longer in my life, I still have love for them. I hope you also have your kitchen table friends, and if you don’t, I pray that God sends at least one or two friends your way to start your tribe. We are made for community.
Who is at your kitchen table?
With Love, Heidy