Self-awareness is so important. We cannot go around blaming others and the world for our circumstances. However, we cannot control when others hurt us when we are younger, but it is our responsibility to learn, process, and heal from it.
In my early twenties, I kept achieving things. And immediately after I achieved a goal, I would ask myself, “What’s next?” It’s like I wouldn’t even take time to celebrate my current achievement while I was planning the next time.
After I independently published my poetry book, “Words From The Heart,” I had an epiphany. One night, I was lying in bed, thinking about all my achievements. At that point, I had received my bachelor’s degree, master’s degrees, and two certifications for my career, and my poetry book was recently published. And I was thinking about my next project.
Then I stopped myself, “Why do I keep doing this to myself?”
I talked to my husband about this, and as we conversed, I realized what it was. Growing up, I had not heard “I’m proud of you” from my dad, so as an adult, I felt like I had to keep achieving these great things to hear him say he was proud of me.
You see, I’ve always felt like I was a failure to him growing up. And even from some choices I made that, looking back, weren’t the greatest, I felt like I had to overcompensate.
My dad isn’t vocal, so even when I published my poetry book, he didn’t say he was proud of me until I asked him and had to get it out of him. We were sitting at my aunt’s kitchen table, and I asked him if he was proud of me. He didn’t respond immediately but said, “You know I am.” And I said, “No, I want you to say that you are proud of me.” Because it’s one thing to think that your parents are proud of you, but it’s a different feeling to hear them say it.
My husband always reminds me that I need to be proud of myself, which matters most. And I am proud of myself, but hearing my dad say it, I guessed, healed a wound inside of me that I had from childhood.
Did your parents tell you they were proud of you growing up?
With Love, Heidy
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