Thanks to My Mom My Relationship With Alcohol Is Completed

Something I've never talked about before.

Photo by Alec Favale on Unsplash

I cannot remember how old I was, but I clearly remember my mom swerving in and out of the left lane on the freeway, almost hitting the barrier a few times. I was nervous, anxious, and incredibly scared, hoping and wishing that she would either stop driving or we would get stopped by the police. I was also wishing I were old enough to drive so she wouldn’t have to drive us drunk and praying that we got home safely. Luckily, we did. 

This time we were driving home from Dave & Buster’s - what was supposed to be a nice mother-daughter outing but turned into a terrifying nightmare. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time nor the last time she had driven us home like that. I always thought, “why does she have to get drunk when she knows she has to drive home?” I couldn’t understand why she would put our lives in danger time and time again. 

Seeing my mom drink every day when I would visit her during my summer vacation and seeing how obnoxious, loud, and careless alcohol made her made me promise myself I would never drink when I became an adult. Of course, I broke that promise to myself, but as a result of her addiction, my relationship with alcohol is complicated.

Drinking Isn’t Bad

In our culture (I’m Dominican), alcohol is highly consumed; whenever there is a gathering, whether you’re getting together with family or family or a mixture of both, there is alcohol. And if you say you’re not drinking, people usually look at you sideways, like, why the hell not? So because I’ve always been around alcohol in a social setting (except for with my mom), it doesn’t seem like there’s any harm. 

I’ll drink with my family or if I have a rough week; however, I always measure how much I drink because I don’t want to feel like an alcoholic like my mom. It’s like it’s always on the back of my mind, “don’t be like your mom, don’t be like your mom.” 

Although drinking is a cultural norm, it can harm your health. According to theCDC, long-term excessive drinking can lead to high blood pressure, heart disease, liver disease, and even cancer. So, in a sense, drinking is bad.

But Why Do We ALWAYS Have to Drink

Then I think about why we always have to drink when we get together. Why does alcohol have to be involved? Sometimes I decide not to drink, and I'll get asked why not or if I'm pregnant. People think that the only reason a woman won't drink is that she's expecting. Still, the reason can be as simple as she doesn't feel like drinking or as deep as, "hey, I have a complicated relationship with alcohol; I don't feel like drinking right now." Let's steer away from asking people why they won't drink. 

Sometimes I think it would be nice if alcohol weren't always involved because as long as you're with the right people, you shouldn't need to drink to have fun. Also, it would make things less awkward for those struggling with substance abuse. I sometimes ask myself, would my family and friends not drink around me if I developed an addiction to alcohol, or would that be difficult since it's such a cultural norm? I genuinely don't want to find out the answer, but I ask these things because of my complicated relationship with alcohol.

I Don’t Want To Be An Alcoholic

Did you know that children whose parents are addicts are 45% to 79% more likely to abuse drugs or alcohol than children whose parents aren’t? This is according to the National Institutes of Health. So, I’m already at a higher risk of being an alcoholic. And according to lifeworkscommunity.com, it’s not entirely known if the addiction is rooted in genetics, if it’s inherited, or if it’s the exposure to alcohol that increases the probability. But whatever it is, I don’t want it. 

These are the thoughts that always go back and forth in my mind when it comes to alcohol. I’ll go through seasons when I don’t think drinking is wrong and having a social drink is okay. But then I’ll go back to thinking that I shouldn’t be drinking at all because it’s not good for me, I don’t want to become addicted, and I don’t want to have to deal with that. And this all comes from seeing my mom struggle with her addiction. 

With Love, Heidy

Thank you for reading until the end - if you or a loved one are struggling with substance abuse call 1800-662-4357

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