The Mahogany Table

Gathering of the Onlys

Last week, I attended The Mahogany Table - the gathering of the onlys. And this year the theme was Free to Flourish. The host, LaTasha, was actually a guest on my podcast last year. She created this space because she needed a safe space to just be. Not code switch, not hold back the loud laughter, not feel like she was too much, just be!

And she knew that if she was craving this space, other women were too. The gathering of the onlys is for women who are usually “the only” in certain spaces. This happens a lot for Black women and women of color.

As Tasha spoke at the beginning about how this space came about and her experiences being “the only,” I could relate to a lot of those feelings, too. Especially, right now, as I am currently the only Latina in my corporate team, and I believe in the whole department.

Keisha, a therapist, explained to us that when we choose freedom and what that means to us, we will also experience grief. Because in order to have that freedom, we have to release, and that brings grief. Release what we thought freedom was before, but actually isn’t, release what is holding us back in order to achieve this freedom, and also release expectations - whether they were placed on us by our families, society, culture, or ourselves.

Keisha also said that even good change can bring grief because you have to let go of old patterns.

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Within the theme Free to Flourish, we talked about what success means to us, but really redefining success. There was a panel of three women who shared what success meant to them, and, most importantly, what event led them to this new definition.

One thing that was said that stood out to me was, “You look successful on paper but still feel misalignment in your spirit.”

And honestly, I’ve been feeling a little bit of that myself lately. I know that I am still young and still have a lot of life ahead of me, but at times I feel like I should be further along than I am. At times, I feel like I don’t really know where I am going. Or that I am focused on too many things at once, because I want too many things at once. And sometimes I get impatient and just want to reach my desired destination: freedom.

I did the journaling exercises given to us, and one of the questions was: What has success looked like for me up until now? The answer is: accolades! For the longest time, I kept achieving things, and immediately afterward, I was like, “Okay, what’s next?” I had written before that I was high achieving because I wanted to hear my father say he was proud of me, but also, that’s what success looked like. At least, I thought it was.

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I have a master’s degree in healthcare administration that I am not even using. I have accomplished so much in my short life, but at times I still feel like it’s not enough. The feeling that I need to do more doesn’t go away. And I honestly don’t know who I am trying to prove that all of these accomplishments make me worthy of what it is that I want or desire.

I am worthy simply because I am a daughter of God! That is enough. That should be enough, but at times, I get in my head, and it’s not.

Another question was: What definition of success no longer fits this season? The honest answer is that I don’t need to do more and that I don’t need another degree. It’s going to be hard to unlearn this because I do have the idea that productivity is tied to my self-worth - when it absolutely isn’t true.

I loved the quote that was written on the bottom of the paper: Success is not just what you achieve. It’s how aligned you are while achieving it.

At the time, while achieving everything, it did feel aligned, but as I get older, I am starting to question whether I really needed all of that.

Towards the end of our time together, we planted a small plant (pictured above) in a glass bowl. The dirt represents our roots, the rocks our boundaries, and the white sand our time.

I made some really great connections with other ladies, and I truly cannot wait until next year’s event.

Today, I want to ask you - how do you define success?

With Love, Heidy