What Have You Had to Unlearn?

We Should Always be Unlearning and Relearning!

Apr 01, 2024

I learned of the concept of unlearning when I heard Humble The Poet’s interview on the morning radio show The Breakfast Club. He was promoting his book Unlearn: 101 Simple Truths for a Better Life, and I immediately added it to my list. I admit I haven’t read it yet, although it was published in 2019. However, my husband has it on his Audible list, so I may listen to it before I buy the physical copy. Sidenote: who else listens to books and buys the physical copy?

brown wooden blocks on white table — Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Anyway, in this interview, Humble says that unlearning is more important because “at this point, there is not really a generation gap. There are people who are open to new ideas, and there are people who are not. If you’re not open to new ideas, the only way to do that is to let go of old ideas. Some stuff that mattered when we were teenagers doesn’t matter anymore, so we have to let that go. And we have to continuously relearn new things. The only way to relearn is to stay open to unlearn.” Being open to new ideas is important for our personal growth and development!

Since learning about the concept that you can unlearn things, I've realized that I’ve been unlearning a few things, too.

Get 7 day free trial

Unlearning To Feel Guilty For Self-Care

I recently wrote an article for Medium about how my husband doesn’t make me feel guilty for doing self-care. But after having my daughter, I was made to feel guilty for wanting a break or needing some space. I was told that I needed to take my daughter everywhere I went.

I’ve realized this is not healthy - I’m more than a mom. I am an individual with needs and wants, and I need to take care of myself so I can take care of my family. Of course, this doesn’t mean I don’t prioritize my kids; that goes without saying, but spending time alone or with friends is healthy for our mental health.

If you are always with your kids or everything you do is based around your children - what are you going to do once your kids leave home?

Unlearning That Boundaries Are Disrespectful

Creating boundaries in a Hispanic family is difficult. Boundaries don’t exist in our culture. I was recently told that you don’t set boundaries with family members. However, that is not what I’m learning in therapy. Boundaries are necessary for our mental health.

Why am I going to be around a family member who drains my energy or makes me feel bad about myself? I’m not - not anymore. And this isn’t just with family members; this goes for anyone. Life is way too short for this.

Taylor Counseling Group has an article about 10 Ways to Set Boundaries With Difficult Family Members. The article defines healthy boundaries before listing the 10 ways. It says, “Healthy boundaries start by identifying the behaviors, characteristics, and actions that make you comfortable versus those that make you uncomfortable. If a family member’s invasive, rude, or careless behavior and actions are causing you mental anguish or anxiety, it’s time to put some healthy boundaries in place.”

And this is exactly what I’m doing, although it may upset people.

Unlearning That I Am Not Worthy, Not Smart, nor Valuable.

This one has to be the biggest one for me because, growing up, hearing negative things about me consistently really damaged my self-esteem. I didn’t feel smart, worthy, or valued. And this led to accepting unacceptable behavior towards me.

I didn’t grow up feeling confident with myself. I questioned all my decisions, what I wanted, and even who I was. For too long, I tried to be someone I wasn’t, and growing my faith and trust in God helped with this.

I still have work to do. Years of negative talk have to be unlearned, but I’m looking forward to the other side of healing, unlearning, and relearning.

So, today, I’d like to ask you: What is one thing you’re unlearning? You can let me know in the comments or send me a message!

With Love, Heidy

If you find this post helpful, share it with a friend! :)